Rant: The General Loneliness of August

"All my fake friends and all of their noise..."

The song "A World Alone" by Lorde helps encapsulate my feelings for most part.

Loneliness is state of this soul. 

"Maybe the internet raised us or people are just jerks"

Unbound and unshackled for the most part, I feel adrift in a void that is the ebb and flow of life. Though being unchained means I am in the greatest danger of flying into nothingness and being crushed by the gravity of the black whole that is loneliness. I'm getting dramatic so anyway...

I almost lost a family friend, had the news of a family acquaintance violently dying in a murder-suicide and I have already had this reoccurring feeling of sadness overwhelming me. I do not wish to dwell in the sadness I feel and yet this cathartic and gut-churning experience is still somehow comforting - comforting in that it makes me feel real and alive.

I am not confident enough to call this ongoing sadness a depression of sorts. I've been truly and clinically depressed eons ago and it's not as bad as it is now. However it screams from the deepest confines of my chest and nags my mind throughout the day. The only silence I get is when I go to sleep or rather loose consciousness and regain it in the morning. It is even a challenge to sleep when the weight of my over-thinking  carries me on and on in continuous consciousness until the body dictates that it must indeed sleep.

Loneliness is the state of affairs. I have decided to shut myself from the world. I mean I've done it before, why can't I do it again? But circumstances have changed. I actually have a more active social life and people worrying about my sanity and well-being. It warms the heart to know that but I still feel lonely, drained and sick by the illusions of social media and human communication, laced with pleasantries and thick masks. Though I'm still fortunate and graced to have good friends. To you, I give my undying loyalty and love. To fake friends, just read this and fathom my mess and the craziness that is my mind.

P.S. Trying to be more personal in my blog and acting based on the feedback I get.

Astronomy: Muttnik

   

A depiction of a Muttnik in Soviet overtones by artist Richard S. Carbonneau. I must say the image maintains the cuteness of the dog while retaining the image and message of Soviet ideology and the pains and loneliness the dogs must have felt. Wow.

The song "Soap On Your Skin" by the Solids is pretty much stuck in my head. By the way, The Solids are also responsible for the music at the opening credits of How I Met Your Mother.

But that's not the main reason why I'm writing this post but here, do enjoy the music! I'll post on this #LSS of mine another time. 

The dog featured here is Muttnik. The same image is used in The Solids' album and in Carter Bays and Craig Thomas' sitcom, How I Met Your Mother

No, my reason for writing this post is because of Laika, the dog in the cover of their album. I saw the album cover and saw this adorable looking dog and that name - Muttnik! Soviet space dogs were called Muttniks by Americans -  a pun on the Sputniks they were placed in.

Laika (also called Kudryavka or "Litte Curly") is generally agreed to be some form of Husky and probably even have Terrier in her. She was taken from the streets and trained for space flight. The Soviets picked Moscow strays since they were able to endure rough and cold conditions. It was only revealed in 2002 that she died of overheating due to malfunction. She died on November 3, 1957. It took 45 years for the Russians to finally reveal her cause of death.

Monument of Laika in Moscow Russia. Picture taken from Google.

Here's to you Laika and to all the Space dogs and other animals who helped improve the safety standards and features of modern space travel. May they be remembered as heroes!

Poem: Harvest

Typhoon Glenda (International name Typhoon Rammasun) is about to hit the Archipelago. Though my region won't be hit directly, a typhoon will cause most of the country to share the same weather and not to mention an intensified monsoon. The current weather reminded me of an old poem I wrote on a stormy day while the movie 300 was showing on the television.  A friend even got the Greco-Roman feel in the poem.

Enclosed Wheat Field in the Rain or Rain by Vincent Van Gogh. Taken from Google.

I was thinking of re-posting an old poem that I am proud of as it was my first concise poem and a poem I had a friend and teacher check and edit for me.

Tickle the earth with a moment of great peace

Sending trickle torrents from grand albino fleece

Her rough palpable skin yearns his gentle caress

Pours love, dreams, initial outcry gropes, suppress

Thick cotton clumps , soaked drips, droplets, perspiration

The heavens hold endearing desperation

As liquid beauty lightly showers pleasing perfume

And hunger filled with the growing spring of life

As the war fulfills itself as the fog that sets strife

Spoils of the field puts asunder their short meeting

Dead drops now as life meets scythe upon the timely greeting

P.S. The italicized line: I want to keep it in the poem even if it doesn't rhyme with any other line.

Music: My Stupid Mouth

My stupid mouth

Has got me in trouble

I said too much again

Inside definitely wants out in this one.

This song  speaks to my soul. The acoustic version tears my heart to shreds, pushes me into clarity and speaks the truth about who I am (or who I try to be): Honest, sincere and beaming to the rim with things to talk about while being a listening ear and a ready shoulder. However, this stupid mouth is a bumbling idiot who is awkward and prone to mistakes fueled by selfish desires that usually end up compromising the good things that could be left alone or be allowed to develop. Aggressive is the word.

Again, I feature John Mayer.

My. Stupid. Mouth. 

No filter in my head. Oh, what's a boy to do I guess he better find one!

I leave you with my favorite lyrics of the song as an attempt to somehow justify myself. There's no justifying being an idiot though. Learn. Even if I am in the right in this case. Not really. Sigh

One more thing

Why is it my fault?

So maybe I try too hard

But it's all because of this desire

Just wanna be liked

Just wanna be funny

Looks like the joke's on me

So call me "Captain Backfire"

Awesome superhero name right? CAPTAIN BACKFIRE.

Trivia: July

Beware the Ides of March.

                - From Plutarch's Parallel Lives. Also found  dramatized in William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar

July is the month named in honor of Julius Caesar by decree of the Senate of the Roman Republic.

I worry when this month comes around and I don't really know why. The warning of Julius Caesar's betrayal and assassination is traditionally associated with March, made more popular and dramatic thanks to the writings of Shakespeare but this over-thinker cannot separate the fact that this month is named after the great Roman leader. Sure, the ides of this month are still a few days off but there's just something about July I cannot just shake off.

Every month has an Ides to it, much commonly known as the 15th or 13th of every month, depending on the month. It merely means the middle of a month.

Oh hey trivia! By the way, August is named after Augustus Caesar or Octavian, Julius Caesar's heir and the first Roman Emperor.

Reflection: Music is Inspiring

The quote I wanted to put was "Music is the answer to the mystery of life. The most profound of all the arts, it expresses the deepest thoughts of life." from Either/Or but this one is also good so I put this one anyway. Image taken from izquotes.com

     Listening to some piano pieces and songs, both secular and religious, I remembered that time I started talking to this classmate I had, who is now a dear friend. Of all days to start talking and getting to know each other, it was on the last day of class. We were talking about Agnosticism and Atheism and I said this: (non verbatim but something to the same effect)

"Deny God, the metaphysical and the supernatural but I believe you cannot just deny the spirit that is in music."

     Then I remembered what Schopenhauer said about music. Hmm, that pessimist seems to have a flare of romanticism (in the colloquial and philosophical senses of the word) in talking about music as the most profound of the arts.

     Simply put, music is inspiring.

  P.S. I was listening to some Chopin and piano instrumentals by the Jesuit Music Ministry's Lauds

Poem: Atria

Southern Constellations. Screen capture taken from Stellarium.

Atria

Antique ardent appearance
Crimson waltz silvery hues
Competing among others
As you blush spikes
They too daggers and needles
Murder my eyes
But animate my heart

Rising above the sea
When our Cross descends
And Pointers follow pursuit
Bashful as you may be
Even with your Triad
But your name lingers
In charts on my mind

October's Hero
Snaps our throats
With Claws commanded
By a Heart harsher than yours
But what you have
Is that glare so singular
Never undone in your sphere

I intently gaze at you
Rusty glow breathtaking
Shinning Southern Beauty
That crucifies Mimosa
And drowns Canopus
Because you are stunning
Ancient, ambivalent, mine


Context:

On the constellations: 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangulum_Australe
http://www.constellationsofwords.com/Constellations/TriangulumAustralis.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crux
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scorpius

On the subject of the poem itself:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha_Trianguli_Australis

      Atria is a star in the southern sky. It is best observed in the Southern Hemisphere. Its name is contracted from the term Triangulum Australe. Atria also alludes to the Atrium, a part of the heart.

     The Philippines, being near the equator, sees most of the stars visible on both hemispheres. Atria is not a spectacularly bright star. It is hard to spot as it is positioned near the horizon (in the Philippines) and is seasonal. It is found in an area of the sky where most of the prominent stars "pass through". Bordered by the prominent Southern Cross and Alpha and Beta Centauri, 

I think you would not care to notice the red spec that is Atria. Somehow, I was captivated by it.