The ninth track from the Album "Battle Studies".
"Edge of Desire" by John Mayer.
I remember the first time I heard this on the radio. I went mad. Nothing prepared me for the banging of the drums that opened this incredible song. I lost control at that tiny moment and I knew I had to listen on. I dropped my pencil and ceased all academic activity. The notes had to wait. The singing voice that followed was a familiar one so I thought this was a new song by John Mayer. I later googled online the parcels of words and found the lyrics and I checked my computer if I had his album and this particular song. I did. I was delirious and determined to listen and re-listen to this jewel that was just sitting there waiting to be realized. Even the moments of pure instrumentals broke my heart open and truly speaks volumes. The drums, the sound of clashing cymbals, the guitar, the voice and the lyrics just meld into a plethora of emotions and a recall into the desire for that other who just drives us mad into the edge of desire.
Allow me to rant my reflections and feels in some of the lines from the song:
“Love is really nothing
But a dream that keeps waking me
For all of my trying
We still end up dying
How can it be?”
To those who have been in love, before or now or after, the words of these lyrics ring dear and true. We spend aching over a state of disturbance and fantasy but at the same time trying to navigate through the waters of our daily lives. We sail through our daily lives and yet we are driven mad by the dream of that dearest man or lady and we do what we can to cope with our pains and joys that just tangle together into a mess of emotions. We daydream about our desired other and just wish we never faze into reality, a reality without them. The only acceptable reality is that of being one with your love.
“Don’t say a word
Just come over and lie here with me
'cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see”
The scene of fire just sets up the visual and feeling of passion. Fire burns, consumes, radiates, heats and gives light. It is the perfect metaphor for passion. It can scorch and pain but it can also purge, warm and purify. Just stare into the fire, feel its warmth and don’t say a word. Feel rather than say. (Kind of funny I’m writing about it though, I must admit after the previous sentence.)
“So young and full of running
All the way to the edge of desire
Steady my breathing
Silently screaming
I have to have you now”
The air is taken from our lungs, the heart beats faster and we feel lighter than air and as dense as lead at the same time. Oh most especially in youth, love strikes and paralyzes us and yet we also gain the extraordinary energy to race against it! Desire is such a strong feeling it drives us to do things beyond our conception. We silently scream in our heads the craving and ache we feel for that special someone. The only acceptable reality is to have that adored creature right beside you. The feeling of palpitation, of that beating heart, the warm feeling and the craziness of it all does not help lessen that desire. It moves us to do something about it to end the uncomfortable thumps of the heart. What do we do when pushed to the edge? We struggle to survive. Fight or flee. Do we fight to appease the desire or do we flee and cower from the aches and desires.
“I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
There I just said it
I'm scared you'll forget about me”
Admission of guilt is difficult. Admission of the guilt of desire? All the more. The pain of rejection after pouring out the truth to another will definitely rip you apart. The feeling of love and desire is humbling. The earth becomes both heaven and hell at the same time. It shakes and quiets down in that moment of dread, if we gain love or we loose it. Desiring someone so badly to the point of going back on your own beliefs and notions is painful and rips the self to shreds. To desire someone even if involves going out your comfort zone means that your desire outweighs your self-preservation. You want to go out of your way to be with that desired other. Abandoning the ego to be with the other is deep, sacrificial love. When we abandon our selfish attachments that can be done away with to be with the one you love, one moves one step closer to true love. True love does not necessarily mean you have to be together. Love is love, whether be with someone else or one honestly desiring and caring for another.
P.S. If you notice the references on fire, earth, air and water, well it's the Legend of Korra feels coming up. They're not in the Avatar cycle's order but meh.
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