Rant: "I will not speak ill of the dead because you are dead to me"

I will not speak ill of the dead because you are dead to me.

I will honor your past and not look forward to your future.

Sometimes I falter and slip and join in the festivities of hate against you.

But mind you, I can never bring myself to hate you in full.

And I take my words back and recall your goodness too.

I balance out the bad I say with the good you've done.

To be objective, so to speak.

I mean you aren't evil incarnate, after all

Even if it feels like it.

You will always be loved.

Somehow, somewhat

But for sure that will dwindle.

I pray for my friends,

Harder for my foes.

The only way for me to get a grasp of things,

Is to kill you,

In my head, in my heart, my fantasies and my imagination

But let you live in my memory and in the scars,

That toughen me and bind me together as a person.

I try not to speak evil of you but I cannot lie

When the faults are so cracked before all.

But I will always be your advocate somewhat,

A devil's advocate in a sense.

You are zombie to me.

I should not speak ill of the dead.

But I should stab the living death out of you.

Essay: My Personal Brand of Social Justice, Essay I - Eww, Cooties!

My Personal Brand of Social Justice

Essay I

Eww, Cooties! (How I liberated the slide for girls and boys alike)

I remember it was a red free-standing slide. It was iconic to me and my views of feminism and egalitarianism. Of course, the slide from my experience was less fancy.

Even as a kid, I've always had this egalitarian notion. The first episode of this, as far as I can remember was when I was playing with my classmates during recess. It was way back when we were all first grade. A friend of mine barred all the girls from using the slide. When the girls insisted in using the slides, he would shove them off and even ask the other boys to help him out. I guess even in that tender age, I had this sense of justice and I felt it was violated. I went to ask him as to why we wouldn't let the girls use the slides. He said, with so much conviction, that they were different and he didn't want anyone too different and weird to play with him and his friends. He said that he was a boy and he would rather play with his own kind. I retorted quickly with a mild violence. I walked up to his face, starred him down and told him “Different? That doesn't make sense. We’re all very different here”. It caused a rift between us for a while but it cooled off after a few days, after all, we were all first graders. Children at this point have not learned to keep grudges, well generally speaking. We made peace later on and he told me that he didn't like playing with girls because he was scared of the cooties he has heard of in the cartoons he saw.

Let’s look at the details of these events. My friend was scared of cooties. Cooties, for those of you who were wondering and too lazy to search it on the web is this kid’s myth about germs or parasites that are said to be present in girls. If you think about it, my friend’s reaction was valid. He was tenderly young and to be presented with this threat would make him wary and avoid whoever had this threat. However, we know that there are not such things as cooties. Human-loving parasites yes, but not actual parasites that particularly reside in females. I found it ridiculous as a young child. The multitude of encyclopedias and my early access to the infancy of the Internet probably shaped my thinking to be critical of these things even at that young age. I don’t know but what’s for certain, I didn't buy into that cooties myth at age seven. I was also later affirmed when I saw this cartoon that a boy was labeled as having cooties instead and girls feared him. Powerpuff girls. Go figure. LOL

Even as young as seven, the seeds of my egalitarian or even feminist views were growing. I look back into that event, now armed with education, experience and insight. That tale of old has become the core of future beliefs on justice and equality.

    In later reflections, I recalled that event. I realized that fear was a powerful thing. Misunderstanding can lead to baseless violence and hatred. Fueled with ignorance and misinformation, fear blazes enough to make people do the most heinous acts. Relating this early experience with further experiences and stories of history, I realized it was ignorance and fear that kept people separated. People receive bad information about other people and create prejudices against them. From these prejudices flow stereotypes and rots into racism. These prejudices, as you may know, aren't exclusive to the categories of race, gender, sex, religion, what Game of Thrones house you swear fealty to. Whatever sense of division or categorization can indeed sprout to divisions, prejudices and violence. All it takes is fear, ignorance and misunderstanding to make things worse.

Poem: Dogma

Excerpts are from Psalm 24

Dogma

Grow stagnant, wallow in vain
Objectified truth, blemished virtue
Preach your one hued doctrine
Even if red comes in many shades.

"He who has cleans hand and a pure heart who desires not worthless things"

Debate the valor of your teachings
And yet you would hear no riposte.
Happy for your pure heart
Not too joyful for for your farce insistence

"Who has not sworn as to deceive his neighbor"

You march with the scythe
Yet sleep in dogmatic slumber
Abashed in untruthful honor
Blasted by your indignity

"Oh gates, lift high your heads, grow higher ancient doors. Let him enter, the king of glory"

I will not let your cleanliness stain
My admittance to filth.
Uncertain about your sincerity
Certain about your blindness.

Reflection: Archipelagic Melancholy

I was supposed to go to the Capital soon. A bit frustrated but stuff has to be done at the home island.

Why yes, that was both a Hunger Games and Game of Thrones reference. LOL.

Hundred Islands, Pangasinan. So Archipelago. Many water. Wow.

My nation is a nation of islands. 7,107 islands. Well, that's the clean and neat figure they put in the text books but it's a good number, I guess. Whatever the real count is, we're a bunch of fragmented pieces (of land) bound by a national government and shared history under the domination of the Spanish, then the Americans. Then we gained "independence". Cool, but I digress. 

What if the Germans came in? What if the British stayed? Oh right, I forgot about the Japanese occupation. Again, I digress.

The main problem I have with this island life is that it just places people and places apart.

When we talk of seas separating us, in most cases it's not just a metaphor. Literally, seas separate us. When we get to the level of metaphors, the seas just bloat into oceans.

Anyway, I'm drifting and I haven't written anything on my blog for sometime so here we go.

I was suppose to go to the Capital on business and on the sideline, bonding with friends made in the Capital. I've lived in the Capital for some time and I'm not that anti-social so I made friends. Hurrah! The thought of disappointed plus my tendency to insomnia has gotten me to write. Again, hurrah!

I also have family in the Capital and surrounding areas. I am ethnically Tagalog too so that makes sense. I was born in the Capital City of the Republic and naturally I had a proclivity for the language and the tongue. Even in my home in the south of the Queen City of the South, that northern tongue prevails. My pure Cebuano brother put an end to that tyranny. God bless that boy. Haha. I was hoping to devour some Wicked Oreos in one of my favorite college-accessible restaurants.

Wicked Oreos. Hmm. Watermark says Gaby Jimenez, so thank you whoever you are for this picture I got from Google.

Oreos stuffed in fried batter and served with vanilla ice cream. Good gracious goodness, I'll have them sweeties soon enough. Again, I digress.

I wish it was easier to get to the Capital and to the different corners of the Republic. If only it was a long bus trip away, without crossing water, or a train away. Train? Now that would make things amazing.

I reflect in speed the political, social, economic and other factors that come in to play with the Republic's archipelagic nature. I don't want to write a paper on it though. I just want my Oreos stuffed into fried batter and served to me with vanilla ice cream. Hmm. Food.

I miss my friends and family in Luzon, I crave for Wicked Oreos (but I heard they're served in the Queen City now), and somewhat, I just want to go there. But definitely, I wouldn't want to live there for too long again.

Oh islands, can we ever unite into one (land) mass? Can we? Could we? I hope so.

Reflection: September Equinox

"Never lose awe even for the little things"

September Equinox: (September 23)


The days are getting shorter and giving more time to the night. I'm starting to notice the difference in the way the sunlight looks. It looks more sunset-ish even at 16 45 and the sunlight has shifted to shine on different parts of the house. The coming night and day will be much more equal. Being in the tropics, it is not that noticeable but it is nice to appreciate the little astronomical and geographical details, where we are and how it affects us and our environment.

Poem: Forgive and Forget

An old poem edited recently.

Forgive and Forget

Forgive me dear love
Haven't rushed enough
To catch you sleek dove
Now we have it rough.

Forgive me sweetheart.
I have let you down.
Truth I did my part,
Now you more than frown

Forgive me jewel
For not letting go
My beloved ghoul
And thus left me so.

Forgive me sweet keep
For dragging you in
To what you now weep.
No better we've been.

Forgive me my heart
For pursuing you
In violence part
Faulted friendship too.

Forget us kind doe
Truth I love you so
Have not let that run
Thus my past undone.

Rant: The General Loneliness of August

"All my fake friends and all of their noise..."

The song "A World Alone" by Lorde helps encapsulate my feelings for most part.

Loneliness is state of this soul. 

"Maybe the internet raised us or people are just jerks"

Unbound and unshackled for the most part, I feel adrift in a void that is the ebb and flow of life. Though being unchained means I am in the greatest danger of flying into nothingness and being crushed by the gravity of the black whole that is loneliness. I'm getting dramatic so anyway...

I almost lost a family friend, had the news of a family acquaintance violently dying in a murder-suicide and I have already had this reoccurring feeling of sadness overwhelming me. I do not wish to dwell in the sadness I feel and yet this cathartic and gut-churning experience is still somehow comforting - comforting in that it makes me feel real and alive.

I am not confident enough to call this ongoing sadness a depression of sorts. I've been truly and clinically depressed eons ago and it's not as bad as it is now. However it screams from the deepest confines of my chest and nags my mind throughout the day. The only silence I get is when I go to sleep or rather loose consciousness and regain it in the morning. It is even a challenge to sleep when the weight of my over-thinking  carries me on and on in continuous consciousness until the body dictates that it must indeed sleep.

Loneliness is the state of affairs. I have decided to shut myself from the world. I mean I've done it before, why can't I do it again? But circumstances have changed. I actually have a more active social life and people worrying about my sanity and well-being. It warms the heart to know that but I still feel lonely, drained and sick by the illusions of social media and human communication, laced with pleasantries and thick masks. Though I'm still fortunate and graced to have good friends. To you, I give my undying loyalty and love. To fake friends, just read this and fathom my mess and the craziness that is my mind.

P.S. Trying to be more personal in my blog and acting based on the feedback I get.